Friday, 25 July 2014

70

We spent a week, most of a week, together, and it was largely wonderful - I saw her off on the train and she apologised for a foul mood, one that didn't really matter, but we came back to a "reality" that neither of us wanted to, particularly, for similar reasons, but she seemed more prepared for it than I. She called me to go and see her the very same night, I rushed round there but I aren't sure .. sure why she wanted me to go there, distracted and rather unresponsive to touch, a brunt of abusive texts from the other guy ; in the morning I awoke to her sad face and a statement "I feel I'll end up hating you " . Within an hour I hand my fingers tangled in her swimsuit and we spent a hour in the sun and it was good but - I didn't kiss her goodbye, asked when I'd see her next, "I'm not sure right now". The poetry from this post has ebbed away. I told her I was obsessed with her and that I have no idea what to do without her, when she's not around. I watch a DVD she lent me, unable to concentrate, after a long walk with heavy bags in the sun. I told her life is better when she's around, no, that life is better when we're around each other. I think in some way she knows that but can't convince herself that it's "enough" - no,  not that. I suppose she LOVES him,  but doesn't love me. The poetry has ebbed from this post.

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